The following is my entry in Susanna Hill’s Valentiny Writing Contest. The requirements: it must include someone hopeful (can be the main character but doesn’t have to be) and is 214 words (get it? 2/14 for Valentines Day). I hope you enjoy!
Something Amazing
Just before the bell rang, my friend Timmy told me Emma G put something amazing in my Valentine’s box. I hope he’s right!
I shove my hand into the slot and pull out the first card. “Yoda Best” with a glow stick sticking through it. Cool, but not amazing.
I dig again and pull out something sticky: an unwrapped lollipop. My mom makes me throw it away. I sneak a lick before dropping it in the trash can. Cherry.
A crayon heart, an “Awesomesauce” pouch that’s really just applesauce, a Pokémon card—none of these seem amazing. I fish around for more. What could Emma G’s amazing thing be?
I dig out a tiny bag of those candy hearts with little sayings, a squishy gummy heart candy, then another lollipop still wrapped. None of these seem amazing either. My mom says to stop biting my lip. I eat the gummy heart instead.
I rip the box a little and pull out a handful of cards. Superman, Spongebob, and then I’ve found it!
“RATTLESNAKE EGGS: OPEN WITH CAUTION.” I look around to make sure no one is looking and I take a tiny peek into the envelope. Aaah! My mom’s going to kill me when she finds out one of the eggs already hatched!
{word count not including title: 213}
What a great ending to a great story. I could see Mom looking over his shoulder. And his excitement when he saw the Awesome. Ha. Poor Mom though. 🙂 Best of luck.
Thanks, Robyn!
Funny story. I wish you well with it.
Thanks, Lynn!
I think I would be on Mom’s side with this one! GREAT build-up and twist at the end, it made my chuckle. Great job. Good luck with it.
Thanks, Maria!
I remember rattlesnake egg envelopes. Great story. Good luck!
Yes! I’m glad someone knows what I’m talking about! Thanks!
Love the twist at the end! Best of luck.
Thanks, Rose!
I was in suspense waiting to see what Emma G. put in the box. Fun story!
Thanks, Judy!
Amazingly scary! Great story, love the ending.
Thanks, Jean!
Rattlesnake eggs, with one hatched! What a perfectly chilling valentine. Good luck in the contest!
Thanks, Jilanne!
Rattlesnakes rock! Good luck!
Thanks, Nancy!
Hi Alissa – I guess that will shake a few nerve endings … well the family will need to get used to the herpetologist in the house … I think I’ll stay here! Fun story though … cheers Hilary
http://positiveletters.blogspot.ca/2018/02/the-robin-who-hedges-her-choices.html
Ha! Thanks, Hilary!
What a fun story, Alissa, with such a believable MC! My favorite part was when he snuck a lick of the unwrapped lollipop even though his mom said to throw it away! 🙂 And of course the ending was just right for this character and this story! 🙂 Thanks so much for joining in the Valentiny fun… but please don’t send any rattlesnake eggs – hatched or unhatched – to my house! 🙂