Every year when I pull out my Christmas decorations, amid the knitted stockings from my amazing mom and the ornaments we’ve had for 15 Christmases, I extract the same tiny gift bag. The bag is a little crumpled and the shine has dulled on the laminated paper. Its contents are nothing anyone would consider valuable: two little keychains (I used to collect them)—one with music notes in a heart and the other a Santa with little confetti and beads inside—and a stuffed Santa ornament. Yet year after year, I have placed this same little gift bag with the three gifts inside underneath my Christmas tree. The giver of this gift has since passed on, but her influence in my life is so profound that I maintain this tradition as a tiny way to honor her and celebrate the huge influence she had in my life. The giver’s name was Patricia Cochran and officially she was my high school Choir director. Unofficially she was one of the biggest blessings in my life.
A Little Background Info
When I was in 8th grade preparing to advance to High School, I listened timidly as various groups of high schoolers came to our classes to explain the different elective classes and clubs we could choose to be involved in. There were Key Club, National Honors Society, FFA, ROTC, Cheerleaders, Dance Team, Band, and Choir. I have always loved to sing, but was always very timid about singing in front of people. In retrospect, I think I was afraid that if I sang in front of people, I might find out I wasn’t that good after all. If I kept it to myself and just sang around small groups of friends, I felt safer, less vulnerable. I know it sounds silly, but I was cleaving to the idea of “never try, never fail,” as if it was my life preserver. {Over the next few years I would come to learn that this idea was no life preserver but instead was a life inhibitor. This education started with Mrs. Cochran.}
My group of middle school friends kept saying, “You should sing, you should join the choir,” and that terrified me. I tried to play it cool and act like I wasn’t all that interested. But deep down I was dying to sing, all the while wondering, What if I’m not any good? I didn’t want to seem too anxious to join the high school choir and I really was terrfied to even consider singing in front of a group of strangers. But the high schoolers came in that day and started talking about how the Honor Choir was planning to go on a cruise! I thought that sounded like the coolest thing. But I was too scared to commit all the way, so I just signed up for the Beginning Chorus class that lasted until Christmas and then I would take Art.
Meeting Mrs. C
I don’t remember anything profound about first meeting Mrs. Cochran. She had a very unassuming manner. That may have been, in part, to the scars left behind on her face and her soul after being in a major car accident years before. I doubt anyone looked at her and instantly thought, “There’s a musical genius who can inspire even the most unreachable of students.” She didn’t flaunt her skills, and maybe that is why they were skills at all.
In our Beginning Chorus class we learned a few songs and watched videos about Beethoven and what vocal chords look like and how they worked. Often Mrs. Cochran was doing additional prep work for her other classes while we watched said movies. I honestly thought she was a little scatter-brained when I first met her. Maybe she was.
Then we started learning Christmas music. The majority of the Christmas music we learned wasn’t just any Christmas music, it was Disney Christmas music. Our Honor Choir had been selected to sing in a few of Epcot Center’s Candelight Processional performances. So everyone in Beginning Chorus and Honor Choir learned the music. I learned it along with everyone else, but was still just coasting along. That all changed the day Mrs. Cochran said she had a couple sopranos who couldn’t make it to one of the Disney performances and she asked my friend Brandy and me if we wanted to take their places for one night. I shrugged and said, “OK,” not knowing what I was getting myself into.
Performing on stage with the other members of the choirs that night was life-changing. I loved it! I loved the feeling of creating beautiful music with other voices and instruments. It was envigorating! It was pure joy for me. A few days later, I scheduled an appointment with the guidance counselor and arranged to take a Choir class the next semester, too.
I gained a lot of confidence from my amazing choir teacher. She was an incredibly gifted teacher. She always told us that her goal was to teach us how to sing and perform without her. I can still imagine her harping on us about diction and rythm and dynamics and it makes me want to be a better singer. But her influence on my life didn’t end with her musical expertise.
She Was So Giving
Mrs. Cochran wasn’t one of those people who gave things publicly so everyone would see her generosity. Instead she noticed needs among her students and figured out how to help covertly. More than once I was sent to her office to get something for her and observed shoe boxes with new Nikes or a bag containing a sweater or jacket. I once caught her alone in her office and asked her why she had a Nike box on her desk. She said she noticed a boy in her homeroom class needed some new shoes and she was planning to give them to him the next day.
When tragedies struck or needs were known, you can be sure Mrs. Cochran would be contributing more than she probably could have afforded on her teacher salary. This generosity is probably why Mrs. Cochran also became the choir director for one of the town’s Methodist churches. For her, more income meant more giving.
When I was preparing to graduate from high school, she called me into her office one day. She was scribbling something at the top of a personal check. It was her drivers license number. She handed the signed check to me and said, “I want you to use this to buy your books.” I was shocked! I returned the check, telling her that I couldn’t take her money, but she put the check into my hand and instructed me, “Use this check for your books or whatever you need. And when you do, call me and let me know—“ I assumed she wanted to know so she could keep track of her expenses and make sure she had enough money in her account, but I was mistaken. “—so I can send you another one.” I still have that signed blank check with her drivers license number hand-written across the top. It is now an artifact that stands as a testament to the generosity of this amazing woman.
She Fought for Us
Our high school was full of migrant students and diversity that was not accustomed to opportunity or inclusion. Mrs. Cochran pushed to gain funds to supply a classroom full of keyboards, providing piano lessons to classes of students who would have no other way to ever learn to play such an instrument. She often forfeited her lunch period in order to accommodate a schedule that would include opportunities for practice sessions.
My Junior year I finally got up the nerve to sing a solo at our regional Solo-Ensemble festival. My solo judge was an intimidating man and I was terrified. I gave it my best effort thanks to practice tapes and countless rehearsals with Mrs. Cochran. My solo judge‘s first words after my second song were, “That knocked my socks off!” He expressed interest in being my voice teacher and Mrs. Cochran sought him out later that day to negotiate a more affordable rate, knowing instinctively that my family could never afford his regular rate. Thanks to her, I was blessed to study voice with a college professor at Florida Southern College—about an hour drive away from my house for the remainder of my high school career.
She Was the Wind Beneath Many Wings
Mrs. Cochran was a very talented musician in her own right. But instead of pursuing her own interests, she chose to spend her energy lifting and empowering others. She encouraged everyone. She cared deeply about everyone, even if she barely knew them. How do I know? Because she went out of her way to send cards, give gifts, donate money, or even arrange little singing groups to go brighten others’ days.
There was a performing arts high school in our school district and Mrs. Cochran often had our choir perform with them. I came to learn that the other directors in the district looked up to her and had all been mentored by her or were helped by her in some way.
She paid for breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for students who didn‘t have the money to pay for their own meals. But she never did so publicly.
She arranged for the honor choir to sing at Carnegie Hall my Freshman year. I was only a freshman and didn’t have the opportunity to attend (it’s OK, Mom, I totally get it, I wouldn’t have let my freshman daughter go alone to NYC either), but I saw what that opportunity did for my classmates, many of whom had never left the state of Florida. While they were in New York City, they attended the Broadway production of Phantom of the Opera. It was an opportunity of a lifetime.
She was so concerned about helping me get into a good college that she ran around the Florida State Fair (we were there to perform) looking for a fax machine to get a letter of recommendation and some paperwork faxed on the due date. She didn’t roll her eyes and tell me I needed to figure it out and I’m sure I was probably to blame for the tight deadline. Instead, she did everything she could to make sure all of the pages were faxed in time, paying extra to receive the receipt showing that all pages of the fax had gone through. {Obviously, these were the days before electronic applications and scanning/uploading documents.}
Selfless To The End
I visited Mrs. Cochran each summer after I graduated from high school. I even came back and sang at Disney with her choir the following Christmas before my family moved to South Carolina. Her health began deteriorating rapidly.
When I was graduating from college, I sent her a graduation announcement. A week later, I sent her an invitation to my wedding. She sent me a card wishing me heartfelt congratulations. She filled the card with her thoughts of me and mentioned nothing of her health struggles or current hospitalization. I had no idea that this would be my final communication with her. Her health was too poor to attend my wedding reception and she passed away while I was settling into my new married life in a tiny apartment over 2000 miles away.
I was so honored to know this amazing woman. These simple words I’ve shared here do not even scratch the surface of what her selfless love has meant to me throughout my life. She never had children of her own, but her memory lives on through the thousands of people who were blessed to know her. She gave me the confidence to sing. Beyond that, she gave me her love. She gave me her heart and because of her influence in my life, I am a better person. I am a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, a better neighbor, and a better teacher all because I knew her.
I remember her and celebrate her influence in my life year-round. But each December as I pull the tiny gift bag from my box of Christmas decorations, I am reminded all over again about Patricia Chandler Cochran and the blessing she was in my life and countless others.
I didn’t know Mrs. Cochran, but I love her! Reading about her unselfish love and cheerleading for her students is just what I needed today! Here’s to all the wonderful Mrs. Cochrans of the world! Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful story.
Thanks, Cathi!
I will no longer be reading your blog posts in public…they ALWAYS make me cry!
Sorry! I wasn’t trying to make you cry, but I know I sure cried writing it!