One Little Word: Reflecting on 2018

About a year ago, I shared with you my long-standing tradition of choosing “One Little Word” each year on which to focus my efforts instead of a laundry list of resolutions. My 2018 word has been LISTEN.  As this year comes to a close, I have been reflecting on my word and how I have applied that word to my life and some of the changes I have noticed.

I am my own worst critic and I know that I did not always do the best at listening this year, but this post is not about that.  I am a work in progress–we all are works in progress. So I am celebrating my progress and looking at how to maintain the habits/priorities I’ve gained this year through the word LISTEN.

I’m Listening to My Body

Even when I know I have a zillion things to get done, I am listening to my body possibly more than I ever have at any point in my life. I am eating when I feel hungry, not when I finish what I’m working on or I have more time. I am setting time limits on my working hours and forcing myself to stop and go to sleep. I stopped getting up at 4:30am, though I still try to get up between 5-5:30am because I found I really do love that uninterrupted time in the morning. I hurt my foot last month and actually gave it a decent amount of time to heal.  I even iced it for a few days (which, in my opinion, is pure torture). In all honesty, I probably could have kept the boot on an extra week, but I was really missing my daily morning walks, so I was caught in a little Catch 22.  I started back small and am still working my way back up to a longer morning walk.

I carry water with me almost everywhere I go now so that when I am thirsty, I am listening to my body’s need for water and am prepared.  And you know what? I feel pretty good. I am not so tired in the afternoons and I feel like I can survive the bewitching hours of bedtime routines a whole lot better (not perfectly, don’t read into this! I would love to do better than I am in this area–it’s that diminishing willpower!).

I’m Listening to My Kids

Often I am so determined to finish something, that I just want to put my blinders on and push through. In the past I would justify it in my mind thinking that I must hurry up and finish whatever-it-was and then have more time to listen and pay attention to my kids. The problem is, there is always something else. There is always another whatever-it-is that comes into my life and fights to take center stage. But my kids won’t be kids forever. I know this. I am a big sister to three younger siblings and I totally remember them as babies. I know my kids’ childhoods will not last forever and though I do like to get projects finished in a timely manner, I have come to recognize that listening–really listening–to my kids requires me to temporarily stop doing the current whatever-it-is and fully listen to what they are saying.  They matter to me and I want them to know it.  I am not perfect at this, but I have made progress this year, and I hope that progress will continue.

I am motivated to continue because I have seen their expressions. I have seen the looks of validation on their faces when they feel like they have been heard: even if is the fourteenth time I’ve heard it.

I’m Listening to Friends

This year, I have had the opportunity to be a listening ear to a lot of people. More than I can recall in any other one year. I have heard friends share their heartache, their frustrations, their hopelessness, their joys, their fears.  I wish I could say I’ve always been a good listener, but this year, I have come to recognize just how often I found myself thinking of something profound or encouraging to say once they were finished talking. This year, instead of the deliberated comments, I said a lot more, “I’m so sorry that happened,” or “I’m so happy for you!” I was clearing my mind of all other thoughts and fully listening. I wasn’t staring off or looking at my phone or glancing at my watch. No. I was looking at the face (usually into the eyes) of the person who was speaking (most of these conversations were in person). And do you know what? People noticed! A friend thanked me for being such a great listener! Another woman I didn’t know too well thanked me for letting her ramble on and on because I was her only adult conversation all week. I’ve been there. I totally understood. And I was so happy to have given her a chance to unload some of the burdens that had been weighing on her mind.  I am grateful for the friends in my life who allow me to ramble on when I have gone too long without adult conversation, too!

I’m Listening to “My Gut” & My Heart

I call them promptings, but many call them “gut instincts.” Those little pieces of inspiration that help you know the best action to take. I am not an enthusiastic decision maker. I don’t take the responsibility lightly, so often I stress out over decisions and options and that, in turn, leads to inaction. I put off the decision until I have more information. But this year, I have tried to make faster, more heart-driven decisions, trusting those promptings I feel instead of exhausting all of my energy considering every single pro and con.  Listening to those promptings has helped me with parenting decisions, service I’ve rendered to others, my writing, my blog, and most recently with next year’s “One Little Word.” Stay tuned for next week when I share my new word for 2019. You probably won’t be as surprised as I was.

I’m NOT Listening to People Who Aren’t Invested in Me

Last April, I shared the idea that sometimes we don’t need to listen. It is true. Sometimes people judge you by the way you look. Or the car you drive. Or your choice in clothes. Or your religion. Or your neighborhood. Or your background. Sometimes they just assume that because you look or talk or act like someone they have met before, you must be the same and they immediately write you off. Those people are not the people you should waste any energy listening to. They don’t really care. The people who are worth listening to are the ones who are willing to give a little time and energy of their own to really get to know you. They care about you. They are invested in your success. They are the ones to listen to.

Don’t get me wrong: it isn’t easy. I am very uncomfortable when I feel like I am annoying or inconveniencing or upsetting someone. I go far out of my way to try to make sure I’m not doing these things if I can help it (I’m sure I annoy and inconvenience and upset people plenty without ever knowing). But I can’t please everybody. Seeing subscribers come and go this year was challenging at first, but I came to understand that despite what every expert seems to say day in and day out, it really isn’t about the numbers.  Not to me. It’s about reaching those who will be touched by my story. My words. And those who do not appreciate what I am doing will find someone else who will build connections with them.  And that is OK.

I’m a Stricter Editor of the Things to Which I Listen

When I was a teenager, I loved to have the radio on every chance I got. I wanted to stay on top of all the latest music. It was a big deal to me. To this day, I can still remember dozens of those old songs.  But now I rarely turn on the radio. Instead, I choose the songs I want to hear.  I don’t care if it’s trending. If I need a little boost in self confidence, I will listen to Calee Reed’s song I am Enough. It’s become my anthem. My boys recently got me to enjoy Imagine Dragons’ On Top of the World. I started a tradition with my boys this year on our way to school: instead of music the whole drive, we listen to some sort of inspirational talk first. The talk is usually 10-15 minutes long. After the inspiration, the child whose day it is chooses the songs we listen to until we get to school. I notice how much lighter I feel through that crazy, traffic-filled drive when I am starting it off in such a positive way.

I also stopped listening to some podcasts quite so frequently and others more regularly. I chose podcasts that would inspire me and connect with me more. Before I was more concerned about learning things in podcasts. Now I want to continue learning new things, of course–that is my favorite thing about podcasts–but I also want to feel connected to the podcasters and I am paying attention to how listening to it makes me feel. If I’m stressed and overwhelmed when I stop listening, that is not the podcast for me.

I’m Listening to Recommendations and Advice More

People are always telling me titles of books and recommending that I read them right away. They don’t know I have a perpetual stack of at least 5-6 books waiting “on deck” for me to read at any given time. Most of the time in the past, to keep myself from getting too stressed out about life, I just smiled and nodded and forgot all about the book recommendation. But this year, I made an effort to record them and seek them out. I liked reading a book and reaching out to the recommender(s) to thank him/her for the recommendation and to share favorite excerpts.

I have also read more non-fiction books (that weren’t about finances) this year than I have in quite a while. I appreciate the advice given in various self-help or inspirational titles and have even benefited from the examples set in biographies and autobiographical works.

I have listened–and sought out–more feedback on my writing than ever before and am grateful for the progress it is helping me to make.

I recently read Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead with the Houston Moms Blog. Y’all, be ready to read more thoughts about this book in a future post because WOW! I learned a lot! I am still processing it and trying to figure out personal applications for some of the things I learned. I hope to share my progress with you soon. I really appreciated the information in that book, and am essentially “listening” to the aspects that resonated with me most.

I Hope to Continue to Listen

Now that my year of LISTEN is coming to a close, I want to be sure I continue to build on the progress I have begun this year. Here are a few ways I hope to continue to LISTEN for years to come:

• When someone is speaking to me, I want to listen fully without giving thought to what I will say next.
• When my children speak, I want them to know I am listening.
• When strangers criticize and belittle me, I want to choose not to listen.
• I want to continue listening to uplifting words and music in my car and in my home.
• I want to listen to my body so I can care for it to the best of my ability.
• When decisions need to be made, I want to trust “my gut” and follow the promptings I feel.

If you chose “One Little Word” this year, I hope your journey was worthwhile. If you are thinking about jumping in and trying a word for next year, I’d love to hear what you would choose! I’ll be sharing my 2019 word with you soon!  I hope this simple practice helps bring joy to your life.