I​f there is one thing I have learned in the first eleven years of motherhood, it is this: nobody—I’m repeating it louder for those in the back–NOBODY has it all figured out. We see those moms who seem to have their stuff together and we think, “Man! why can’t I do that!” But we don’t see their behind-the-scenes. We don’t see their blooper reel. So for those of you who may have mistakenly believed that I had it all figured out, let me assure you that I do not. Neither does your next-door neighbor or that cute mom in the PTO whose kids might be mistaken for cherubs on the regular. Am I giving each day all I’ve got? Absolutely. Do I constantly feel like I’m falling short? That’s a big juicy YES.

Here’s 1 of the 98,258 mothering issues on my mind right now.

Back in 2009 when my twins were born, I bought these cute blank ornament balls and then I used my Silhouette to cut out their names in vinyl. I painted their tiny hands with non-toxic acrylic paint and pressed them to the ornaments to record their tiny handprints. I daydreamed of future Christmases when they would look at their handprints and be mystified by how tiny they were and how much they had grown.

Baby #3’s ornament was a work of art! A blank ornament ball wrapped in orange yarn. I attached a cute chipboard tag with his initial on one side and his tiny handprint on the other. Then I sewed a protective sheet over it to keep it from getting hurt by baby and toddler hands through the years. I smile every time I see it.

Baby #4 was a little slower to be completed, but I did manage to get his handprint on a piece of cardstock that first Christmas, then I took months to figure out exactly what I was going to do with it. It wasn’t until the next Christmas that I rushed to put it all together so he wouldn’t feel left out when his other three brothers put their ornaments up. I may have gotten it done a year late–but it got done. And he hangs it on the tree each year with glee.

But Baby #5 will turn 5 in November and…I haven’t made her ornament yet. To my credit, I didn’t totally forget about it. I figured since she was born in November and we got her footprints stamped on Daddy’s PPE gown in the hospital, we could do something with that. I didn’t want to put paint on my one-month-old’s tiny hands, especially after her surprise trip to the NICU just days after we brought her home from the hospital. Plus I was SO exhausted! But since then, I have meant to rectify the situation every December. I had good intentions. 

But I failed. Year after year. 

Getting the Christmas decorations out and up becomes such an ordeal, I have no steam left to do anything about the missing ornament. I am pretty sure I have purchased more than one blank ornament. I am pretty sure I had plans to complete it each year. But instead, when it came time to hang the ornaments, I just tried to downplay the other four children’s ornaments and I gave sweet #5 more than her fair share of other ornaments to hang on the tree.

B​ut no more. 

T​his year, I am not procrastinating it anymore. Precious #5 is getting old enough to notice. I’m sure this year she would have noticed that all four of her brothers have a personalized ornament and she didn’t. I couldn’t let it go any longer. So I bought a personalized ornament from MomentsbyMae. I sent Leslie my sweet girl’s baby pictures and she made a personalized ornament. And I am planning to decoupage her feet-prints from the hospital gown onto the back of the ornament. But if I don’t manage to get to the decoupage this summer? At least she will have an ornament!

T​his situation has got me thinking: I don’t want to run out of gas and leave my little girl feeling shafted. I always wondered if that is why I had to have a girl last–so I wouldn’t feel burned out after four boys and maybe things would feel “new” enough that I could see them with fresh eyes instead of tired, burned-out ones. I am going to hope for that. But I think it’s going to need to take something more than mere hope.

I share these thoughts with you for two major reasons. 1-I want you to know that I am not perfect (not that you didn’t already know, but I think reminders are important!) and I mess up all the time, too. It’s part of the mom-gig. 2-I want to do better. I don’t want my youngest child to feel less than my other four in any way. So putting this in writing gives me resolve. It has me thinking of ways I can improve. 

It’s not too late for me to try. 

Before I became a mom, when I heard people joke about how parenting transforms from the first kid to the last, I was so sure that would not be me. I wouldn’t over-do things for my first kids and I wouldn’t under-do things for my last kids. But here I am—yet again—regretting those pre-kid notions. I couldn’t possibly have known what life would look like. 

But I don’t want to stop there. Because I am too glass-is-half-full for that. My mind kept going.

Does my daughter always get the raw end of the deal? I don’t think so. My daughter gets lots of perks my boys never got. She gets a mom who is more rested because I am not bleary-eyed from having newborns. She gets parents who are not constantly stressed about money because we know how to budget. She gets parents who have more experience and know the most successful ways to do pediatrician appointments, dentist appointments, grocery shopping, family vacations, and dinner (for our family, at least). She gets brothers who adore her who look out for her more than any one mother ever could.

At the end of the day, I feel pretty guilty that I have dropped the ball on her Christmas ornament (and her baby book is definitely lacking…) yet I am celebrating the fact that she will finally get to hang hers on the tree this year and we can actually make a big deal about each child hanging his/her own ornament and compare their baby hand-/foot-prints with their current sizes. I am already excited! But I am not totally failing my #5. 

Wherever you are on your parenting journey, I hope you see and know that even though we can always do better as parents, if we are trying, we should also take the time to celebrate the things we are doing well. We aren’t total failures! This parenting gig is hard. There are no job evaluations or observations where we can get a professional to come in and shadow us and track our efforts and give us feedback. There are no raises. There are no days off or professional development/continuing education days. We just have to keep trying. Wherever you are, keep trying! You can do this!

It’s My 3rd Blogiversary!

My talented friend Leslie with Moments by Mae is back again to kick off the first day of my Blogiversary (can you believe it’s been three years?) and she’s got some awesome giveaways to help you sweeten the moments and memories in your life! These would also make amazing gifts. Our next-door neighbor just lost his dog and we are already thinking that Pet Memorial Bundle would be the perfect gift.

And (bonus!) if you don’t happen to be one of the four lucky winners, Leslie is giving every one of us 10% off when we use the code FRIENDSANDFAMILY10 at checkout! Head over to Moments by Mae on Etsy and check out her beautiful artwork!

This year FOUR lucky readers will have the opportunity to win!

Leslie is giving away 2 Pet Bundles + 2 child portraits. One of those prizes could be yours!

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