I attended my local chapter meeting for the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators this week. During the meeting, the presenter shared quite a few things about the science of brain research and how those things influence us as writers. There were a lot of very interesting points brought up about neuro-pathways and the evidence that intelligence is malleable. Do you want to know what seemed to resonate most with everyone in the room?
Impostor’s Syndrome
Impostor’s Syndrome. Everyone felt compelled to share their experiences with this and how they are always fighting to overcome it (or some shared how they want to be fighting it).
This got me thinking. In a room full of people who are living their dreams and publishing books, why would so many feel like imposters? Why would they feel like they are not deserving of the praise they receive? Why do we so often brush off compliments and believe that people are just “being nice”?
The entire evening and into this morning, I couldn’t help but think about how prevalent Impostor’s Syndrome is. My mind kept coming back to two inspiring responses to Impostor’s Sydrome.
Inspiring Words to Combat Impostor’s Syndrome
The first comes in the form of some inspiring words from Marianne Williamson, made famous when shared in a speech by Nelson Mandela. When I was teaching middle school, I used to print copies of this and share it with my students as our “Quote of the Day” for our last day of school.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Who Am I?
Isn’t this quote a breath of fresh air? I often ask myself that question, “Who am I to be successful? Who am I to __________?” I enjoy singing. Occasionally I sing solos at events and every time, my fear comes immediately after I start to sing. I think, “Who am I to do this well?” All the air in my body disappears with those first two or three notes and the subsequent notes leave me gasping for breath. I don’t feel like I recover till I am about halfway through, if ever.
The response in the quote is so great. “Who are you not to be?” I am a firm believer that we were all created by the same Creator. We are all equally loved by Him. So why is it that I think it is OK for other people to share their talents and do amazing things, yet I shrink when it is my turn? This quotation, for me, is the cure. If I really want to help anyone, if I really want to make the world a better place (and don’t we all?), I must let my own light shine. When I do, I am giving you, and everyone around, permission to do the same. Let your light shine! That light is the empowering force that will liberate us all from this crippling Impostor’s Syndrome.
Inspiring Example to Combat Impostor’s Syndrome
The second example comes from one of the most humble men I’ve ever known. He came from a very poor upbringing and lived a full life. He left school in 8th grade. But he worked hard every day of his life. He never shied away from trying new–and seemingly impossible–things because he didn’t feel “qualified.” Instead he just did what he thought needed to be done.
I watched this man establish a barbeque restaurant with a friend. He was always repairing things and building things he wasn’t “qualified” to repair or build, out of necessity. I saw him work his way into a chef’s kitchen at a world-renowned restaurant. I witnessed him figure out how best to cover enormous trees in Christmas lights with a bucket truck. He did such an impressive job, even our local towns asked him to help decorate their trees. I worked with him (as did my younger siblings) as we followed his instructions and built a garage onto the side of our house, complete with stucco and all. We had no Internet resources or YouTube videos. He led us as if he knew what he was doing and he did the jobs that had to be done, without pausing for self-doubt.
Failure is Inevitable
Not all of his projects were successes. He once decided he wanted to convert a shower into a big bathtub, so he created it with concrete. It worked, but it was definitely not pretty or comfortable. But he was happy with the results. W.H. Auden said, “The chances are that, in the course of his lifetime, the major poet will write more bad poems than the minor, simply because major poets write a lot.” The more we get out and try, the more outcomes we will have. Yes, we will have more failures than if we didn’t try at all, but we will also have more successes.
I think of this man, my stepdad, and his example to me often. He was not perfect. None of us is. But he didn’t let his limitations stop him from doing amazing things in his lifetime. He didn’t pretend to be an expert or go around bragging about his accomplishments to everyone he met. He just kept trying new things as different needs arose. His example has blessed me in my own life.
So as I sit here at my desk, my eyes a little cloudy with emotion as I think about his profound influence in my life, I am full of gratitude. I am grateful for him. Even though he passed away over five years ago, his legacy lives on. I can’t count the number of times he would call me over to the piano and ask me to sing for guests in our home. His opinion was, if you can do something, do it and don’t be ashamed. And so I, though unqualified as I feel, will continue to sing. I will continue to write, not because I feel “qualified,” but because it is where my heart is. It is a part of who I am. I hope I will someday liberate others as I let my light shine.
How do you deal with Impostor’s Syndrome?
What can you do to let your light shine?
