I don’t outright talk about religion here typically–even though it is a HUGE part of my personal life–because I feel like it is something vastly personal and I never want any friends to feel excluded because their beliefs do not match my own. But since my word for last year was FAITH, I have shared a few posts about how things were going with my word–and that means I shared some very personal, vulnerable aspects of my own faith and the journey I was on last year.This post is a reflection of those 2021 posts. I hope that instead of feeling excluded or triggered, you can see your own personal journey in what I share and look for our commonality. If you are currently in a place where religion makes you feel offended or upset, you might want to pass on this series. My goal is to share in hopes that it helps bring joy and hope to your life. If you are not in a place where you feel open to someone else’s perspective on faith, this will be here if and when you are ever interested in the future.
It has been a year since I last shared an update about our faith-growing journey. I wish I could tell you that I totally understand all of the reasons why we are here and that our puppy has been such an angelic blessing to our family and that we are living happily ever after.
But we are not in the finale. We are still in the middle. The very messy middle.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling really discouraged. Day after day, I felt discouraged about everything. It was not a fun time. I kept having this tune come to my mind, but I brushed it off because it was the tune of an old song that I vaguely remembered hearing from my college years, never a favorite song or anything. I have no specific memories attached to this song or anything. But after a few days of this song continuously coming to my mind, I started paying attention. I looked up the song and played it. By the end of the song, I was in tears because I sincerely felt like this was the message I needed in that exact moment and in every moment since.
The song’s lyrics read:
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own, so don’t buy in
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don’t worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
It just takes some time
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
(The Middle by Jimmy Eat World)
Sometimes I get in a hurry. OK, most of the time. I think things should already be resolved. Things should just work out. I mean, really–shouldn’t they just hurry up and resolve already? But that is not how things work. You don’t get to go from kindergarten to 11th grade. Even geniuses have to pass the tests first. Plus, what six year old really wants to hang out in 11th grade? No recess? No thanks! I have realized I need to do better at appreciating the season of life I am in while I’m in it.
So while I could easily describe much of this past year as a struggle, I can also honestly say that there have been magnificent highlights. I have so much to be thankful for. Just last week I was thinking about how I really wish that things could just be a little more convenient. I am tired. I was tired then and I am still tired now. I just wanted at least a few things to be easier. And then I came across this quote that seemed to be aimed directly at me and my current situation:
“When your faith, your family, or your future are challenged—when you wonder why life is so hard when you are doing your best to live the gospel—remember that the Lord told us to expect troubles. Troubles are part of the plan and do not mean you’ve been abandoned; they are part of what it means to be His. He was, after all, ‘a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.’
“I am learning that Heavenly Father is more interested in my growth as a disciple of Jesus Christ than He is with my comfort. I may not always want it to be that way—but it is!
“Living in convenience does not bring power. The power we need to withstand the heat of our day is the Lord’s power, and His power flows through our covenants with Him. To lean in with our faith when facing strong headwinds—to sincerely strive each day to do what we covenanted with the Savior we would do, even and especially when we are tired, worried, and wrestling with troubling questions and issues—is to gradually receive His light, His strength, His love, His Spirit, His peace…”
I am growing. And growing hurts. It is awkward and not always pretty. But that doesn’t mean I am doing the wrong thing. I think so often we hope (I know I do) that when we choose to do what we feel so strongly is the right thing and the thing that God wants us to do, that things will go smoothly. But that is not His pattern. Just because it is the best path, doesn’t mean it is the easiest. Ultimately, it will lead to the greatest joy. But the most beautiful vistas require the most arduous climbs.
So for now (and the foreseeable future), I am climbing.
This past year I have gained a lot. I have learned a lot about myself and have spent a lot of time working through things I hadn’t realized I hadn’t dealt with before now. And I am better because of it. I have felt frustrated because I don’t feel like I have made the progress I thought I would have. But instead, I am growing in new and surprising ways. And I am holding fast to HOPE. HOPE has fueled me through so much discouragement this past year. I am trusting that I am still in the middle of the ride. I know that everything will be alright.
Thanks for sharing, we all pass through hard times and yet we put on that smile and go forward like we don’t have a care in the world! It helps to know that others are struggling too! It takes a lot of faith and hope to keep going sometimes. You’re great !🥰