Failure is an inevitable part of life. And it is not fun. The bigger the dream, the harder we fall when failure even hints at arriving. And sometimes when we have those big falls, we begin to wonder if it is worth it to even get back up again. We entertain the notion that staying down may be the best solution because then we cannot fall again. That silly notion of “Never try, never fail,” becomes oh so enticing.
But no.
We aren’t here to give up. We don’t have big dreams so we can give up on them. And even when it seems that the dream is a million miles away, we must find the strength and the courage to stand up and push forward, accepting the fact that we may stumble and fall again and again. Those setbacks are trivial compared to the glorious success awaiting us when we push forward.
So when those inevitable failures come along, whether in the form of a stumble or a K.O., here are a few ways to steady yourself and resume your journey toward your big dream. I hope they help you fight discouragement and reach ultimate success.
1-Write It Out.
Writing can be very therapeutic. I try to write daily. I write not only to sharpen my writing skills, but because to me writing is like exhaling. If you have held your breath too long, you know how much of a relief it is to finally exhale and take in new air. This is exhaling for your brain. Sometimes our minds get so cluttered with thoughts and concerns and lists and memories and confusion that things start to feel very urgent–like mentally suffocating. Exhale. Write. Get it all out. It doesn’t have to be pretty and nobody else needs to see it, but start writing (or typing, that counts) the things that pop into your mind in a stream of consciousness. Allow yourself plenty of time to really clear your mind. This will allow you to inhale as you have created mental space to keep going.
I have found so much clarity as I have gone back and read the thoughts I wrote down. When they are in my head, they are a jumbled mess. But when they are spread out on paper–or on a screen–they seem so much clearer. To provide this clarity to yourself, you must be completely honest in the words you are writing. Don’t make any attempts to adjust your thoughts or feelings to make them “acceptable” to anyone.
2-Make a List
When I am feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, it is usually because I have filled my plate too full. In a recent journal entry of my own, I wrote: “These weeks have been far too busy. I keep loading things onto them like a tiny plate in a crowded buffet line. I know I don’t want to come back and wait in the line again (or that the good stuff will all be taken), so I load the first plate too full. This is my life right now: a crowded plate full of things I’m not really sure I even want. But what if I do? How will I know if I don’t try?”
My best defense in times like this is to make a list of all of the things I feel like I have to get done. In my head it always feels like the list will total 1,000,000. So far, none of my lists have ever gotten that long. It is reassuring to know I don’t really have a million things to do, even if it feels like I do. Plus, seeing them on a page or screen helps me to prioritize instead of flying from obligation to obligation haphazardly.
Now hang on to your list and follow me to #3.
3-Get an “Easy Win.”
Find something on your list that you can do in 10 minutes or less.
Do it.
For me, that thing is often something like throwing in a load of laundry or setting an appointment or sending an email. Whatever it is for you, do it.
Then celebrate that success for a minute. Tell someone about it–in a celebratory, non-bragging way. Maybe a quick text to your BFF that says, “I just put a load of laundry in the washer!” Chances are, your friend will celebrate with you and you will gain a bit of momentum to tackle another item on your list.
Don’t aim for the impossible here, but choose something else that is within your time constraints and abilities at that moment and do it. Keep building that momentum.
4-Get Help.
Don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask for help. Remember, we need each other.
Depending on what you are trying to accomplish, this may require the help of a professional. I was recently talking with a friend who said that she was trying to get more organized and had “organize the garage” on her to-do list week after week but it wasn’t getting done. She was daunted by the task. Then one day she saw an advertisement for a professional garage organizer that included a coupon. She booked an appointment and less than one week later, she had a beautifully organized–and clean–garage!
As an author, I am firm believer in the value of an editor. Now that my current middle grade novel is drafted, I was feeling discouraged because I wasn’t sure what to do next. I wondered if I should re-write it completely. Sending it off to a developmental editor brought me such relief! I feel like I am making progress and I look forward to valuable feedback and direction.
5-Remember Why.
Sometimes when we have been knocked down by failure, we focus so long on the pain of being knocked down that we forget why we were even up in the first place. Take some time to remind yourself why you are trying to do what you are doing. If you have a clear perspective and motivation, you can use that momentum and to keep pushing forward. So consider these two questions:
What do you want the outcome to be?
Why?
When you have a clear purpose, you will feel more motivated. Without it, everything is more difficult. You may want to create a vision board or establish a mantra to help you continue to remember why you are doing what you’re doing—and why it will all be worth it.
You Can Do it
If you are facing feelings of discouragement and failure right now, please don’t give up. You CAN do it. Don’t give up! Get up. Keep pushing forward. Be patient. I know, I know: nobody likes to hear “be patient.” But when we accept that the best things in life require effort and sacrifice and time, we can have hope. All is not lost. A slight failure or a grand failure is only an indication that you are trying. Keep trying.
I hope these five ideas help bring more joy to your life as you reach your goals, enjoying the process along the way.
What helps you push forward in the midst of failure/discouragement?
Yes! Writing it out always always, comforts, strengthens, and helps me solve my problems. The one time my husband made the mistake of sneaking a peek in my journal then confronted me about the venting I did in there about him, my answer was that if he didn’t want to read that he’d better never look at my journal again because he will see more of the same.I vent about him and everything else. Then I ask myself what I can do about these problems. Then I answer myself with great ideas that only come about by this process of thinking on the page. To me journal writing is the key to emotional health, 2nd only to prayer. (Running is a close third).
Thanks, Elizabeth! I love your example! I can’t even imagine how my husband would react if he was reading my journals!
I love all these thoughts, but the last one is key. When I come back to why, I know I either must continue or . . . if I find that it’s not a worthy project, I have permission to let it go.
Thanks, Michele. Yes! I can always improve on the letting go part!