One of my favorite picture books from childhood is Leo the Lop. Leo is a beautiful bunny in the fictional land of Serendipity. In the book, Leo realizes that his ears hang down and all of his bunny friends’ ears point up. He goes to great lengths to change his ears. One of his attempts brings him to the possum tree where he tries to teach his ears to point up by hanging upside-down.
This is where the possum asks, “Whatcha’ doin’?”
Leo tries to explain that he is trying to make his ears normal.
And the possum asks, “What is normal?”
Leo realizes he doesn’t really know what normal is.
He goes back to his friends and tells them that he thinks his ears are normal and theirs aren’t. His friends all try to change their ears and make them hang down like Leo’s. One of their attempts takes them to the possum tree, too.
And the possum asks the pointy-eared bunnies, “Whatcha doin’?”
And the bunnies try to explain how they are trying to make their ears normal like Leo’s.
And the possum asks the million dollar question again, “What is normal?”
This time, one of the bunnies comes to the conclusion, “If we’re normal and Leo is normal, then normal is whatever you are!”
Can you imagine how much better the world would be if humankind could figure this truth out already?
And yet, I have fallen into that “normal” trap more times than I can count. As a young girl, I didn’t want to stand out and let other people know I was smart. I wanted to be “normal.” When I was a teenager, I wanted to be “normal” in the way I dressed and acted. I got super embarrassed when my much older stepfather came to pick me up from school or after-school activities. He wasn’t quiet and always drew attention to us. That wasn’t the “normal” I had in mind. I subscribed to the “normal” lie for years. It’s like the scary dark place in A Wrinkle in Time where everyone’s house looks the same and the kids all bounce their balls and play to the same rhythm and every mother came out of her house at the same time and called to her child the same way. Is that really our utopia?
I started to get over the idea of being “normal” in high school, but it wasn’t until I was in college and out on a date with someone I was really starting to like when he said something that really shook me. We were talking about what our future together might look like and he said, “I think we’d have a pretty normal life…”
What?!
That wasn’t my dream. The dream is far better than normal, isn’t it? Why settle for normal when we can have something better than we could ever imagine? Normal is so unromantic! It was the red flag I needed to start reconsidering that relationship. And aim for a life far better than my idea of normal. Man am I grateful for that decision!
Because “normal” is only within our own realm of experience, right? In her book Normal for Me, Tamara Anderson points out, “There are different norms for cultures all over the world today. In India, it is a compliment to burp after a meal, whereas it is not very polite in the United States. … In England, they drive very fast in very small cars on the left-hand side of the road. It is normal for them. It’s a shock if you are from America and used to wide roads with big cars where we drive on the right-hand side of the road. …”
I am so grateful I didn’t limit myself to the “normal” I knew.
I remember the fear I had when I found out I was pregnant with baby #4. I feared the extra attention and judgments. I already felt inadequate. I didn’t need anyone else confirming that. But the moment my fourth son was born, I have never for one moment regretted it. He, and his little
Imagine all of the joy we would miss out on if we only ever clung to “normal.”
I think our desire for normal doesn’t come from wanting to limit our happiness but the fear of being judged. We don’t want other people to think negatively about us, no matter how uniformed they are. And we go to great lengths to prevent it. I’ve totally done it. When I really think about it, it has kept me from attempting lots of things.
I echo Tamara’s call,
“My friends, can you see how important it is to not judge people too harshly?”
Last week I shared some heartfelt words about the cloak of judgment and how it really does not serve us. I can’t emphasize this truth enough.
And when we stop judging our friends and neighbors and strangers and relatives, we give them the freedom to soar beyond “normal” aspirations and truly listen to their hearts. We empower them to parent as they see fit–to truly meet the needs of their children (Because every child is different and every parent is different. We cannot hold everyone to one “standard” and pretend that we are helping anyone.)
Brene Brown drops this truth bomb in her book Daring Greatly that sums it all up perfectly:
“You can’t claim to care about the welfare of children if you’re shaming other parents for the choices they’re making.”
Mic drop.
Ready for a Giveaway?
My lovely author friend Tamara Anderson is giving away a signed copy of her book Normal for Me: Learning to Love and Accept Life’s Detours with God’s Help! Tamara is phenomenal and her book is inspiring from cover to cover. She writes this book as a parent of four children, two of whom are autistic. I think every parent will find inspiration from start to finish in this beautiful book. I know I did.
**This giveaway has ended. Congratulations to Ada!***
If you’ve been around here for a while, you might recognize Tamara as the host of a very inspiring podcast called Stories of Hope in Hard Times. She interviewed me earlier this year! You can check out her interview here.
This book would be an amazing gift for a friend whose child has been diagnosed with anything. But it is also a fantastic read for parents of all ages and stages.
Tamara is also offering a FREE Diagnosis Survival Guide ebook! You can learn more about that here.
Join in the Conversation:
Do you consider yourself “normal”? Why or why not?
I do consider myself normal!! I’m not like my neighbors where they are all in other people’s business.. I try to be happy. I love my family..
I have a feeling you are better than normal, Tina! 🙂
Interesting read. It helped me do a little self reflection. Thanks for sharing. It helps lift some guilt that I (moms) carry.
Thanks, Sarah! You are an awesome mom! Own it, girl!
I am the best normal I can be!!
I loved that book Leo the Lop and I still frequently ask myself and others “what’s normal?” When I begin to judge someone else. It really helps put thing in perspective. I can certainly use the reminder though!
I love this! Yes!
While I know there is no true “normal” I have often felt like the “odd woman out”! I don’t want to be “normal” in this world where “normal” is non-Christian, etc. However, I do struggle with wanting to be more “normal” within my faith (mostly so I can have friends), but when I try that, I lose myself & fall into depression! Most days, I embrace my “oddness” & enjoy my own world of “normal” (crazy homeschool with 6 kids…)!
I am so glad you shared this! I think so many of us feel this to some degree. Keep being your wonderful, beautiful self! 😘
Normal? Who would want to be normal anyways??? 😉
Exactly. 😂