My One Little Word for 2018 is Listen. So far I have spent the first few months of this year working on listening more to my kids and to friends and family. Maybe one of the best things I’ve done so far this year is listen to my body and getting a little more sleep. But as I have been considering the importance of listening, some important thoughts have come to my mind that I really want to share. I hope they help bring more joy to your life.
Just as important as choosing to listen to those we love, there are some voices we must choose not to listen to.
Don’t Listen to Mean People
I was recently listening to one of my favorite podcasts (Awesome with Alison–if you haven’t heard it yet, I highly recommend it. I loved her podcasts before, but in December 2017 she was hit by a car and her podcasts full of insights from that experience have now become my favorites.) when I was first inspired to really think about this idea of not listening. In her podcast, Alison shares how a hurtful and negative email really broke her emotionally after her accident. She was devastated by it. It resonated with me because I can think of similar ill-timed negative comments that crumbled me, too. Why do we allow that negativity in?
Sometimes–and for reasons I do not understand–people just feel the need to be mean. Usually it is because they are hurting, too, so they lash out in pain. Most members of the human race do this at least once in their lives. Acknowledging that helps us to take some of the venom from the sting, but the sting remains. We have to stop listening to people who are lashing out. We cannot be their victims. We are victors!
Hear, but don’t listen. It’s like being surrounded by smoke you don’t inhale.
Or, strive to listen to the message a person is trying to convey beyond the actual words he is using. For example, I have a son who gets HANGRY. You know what I’m talking about, right? His blood sugar dips a little bit and look out world! No one is safe. I have come to recognize that when he begins his angry rants, he doesn’t mean the actual words that are coming out of his mouth (they are usually pretty cruel). What he is actually conveying to me is that he is hungry. We are working on helping him to recognize those feelings before things get too bad. I think he is making progress. Hopefully he will master this before he gets much older. But my point is I have chosen to not get offended and take his lashing out personally.
Don’t Listen to the Negative Voice Inside Your Head
Do you have this problem? I do! A few years ago, I heard someone ask, “Why do we allow ourselves to say horrible things to ourselves that we would never allow our children to say to anyone?” That struck a chord with me because I have worked hard to teach my children not to say words like stupid or fat. In fact, sometimes my kids come home and say something like, “Mom, a boy said the “s word” today at school,” and I know they mean “stupid” and not the real “s word.” It makes me smile (I know the clock is ticking on that innocence, so I am in no hurry to correct it!).
For most of my life I had been saying phrases like, “I’m so stupid!” or in recent years (since having kids), “I’m so fat!” These phrases weren’t doing anybody any favors. So I took the challenge from said wise person to stop saying–and even thinking–these negative phrases. Instead I say comments like, “Oops!” or “That was a silly mistake!” or “Silly Mommy!” More than once I have heard one of my kids say, “Silly Mommy” or “Silly me!” when they see me or themselves make a mistake. My hope is that these words will help reduce the negativity in their own heads, too. I know it’s made a big difference for myself.
Give Yourself a Boost
Fresh out of college, I attended a fantastic leadership meeting. During the meeting, one of the speakers began by saying, “Good evening! How are you?” And then he waited for responses. Some people said “OK,” someone shouted, “TIRED!” and then lots of various answers started coming. Once the answers died down, he asked us, “Do you think that the person who asks you how you are doing is really stopping to listen the majority of the time?”
We stopped to think about it. He then said, “I believe that when someone asks you how you are doing, they are actually giving you an opportunity to give yourself a boost.” He explained that when we answer that question negatively, we are telling ourselves that things are bad. We send ourselves into a negative spiral. But if we take that opportunity to say that things are great or that we are having the best day of our lives, we are giving ourselves a mental boost. We are thrusting ourselves forward, giving a positive spin to our day, and subsequently, to our lives. For almost 15 years now I have applied this thinking to my life and I can attest that it is absolutely true.
Keeping it Real
Now, if I am having the worst day ever and a dear friend sits down and is genuinely talking to me, I am not going to lie and say that I am great. But if I am walking down the sidewalk and I see an acquaintance who says, “How’s it going?” I’ll say, “Great!” and keep walking. I am always glad I did. Try it! It really does give you a more positive outlook. It is a great way to change the dynamic of an ordinary day.
So…how are you doing today? (psst! Now’s your chance to try it out in the comments below!)
