Last month I read an article in REAL SIMPLE by author Janelle Brown. The article is entitled The Escape Plan and she talks about how common it is for people–women in particular–to fantasize about running away or escaping their current lives and living out some carefree dream. My mind has gone back to this article more than once in the month since I’ve read it, so I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you and welcome your feedback as well. I have had daydreams similar to those she mentions in the article, though Lucca, Tuscany(her dream destination), was not my destination of choice. She hits the nail on the head when she says, “…life seems to come with an ever-growing set of restrictions. The trappings of adulthood that you aspire to—a career, a home, a partner, kids, pets—also happen to cut back on your freedom.”
One of my twins this week was talking about how he can’t wait to be a grown-up. It’s the age-old cycle, isn’t it? Children wish for adulthood and adults pine for childhood. I tried to explain to him how much he should appreciate the fun and carefree life he gets to lead as a child and how much obligation and work there is in being an adult, but he shrugged it all off and said, “At least you get to do whatever you want.” I laughed out loud! I just looked at him and said, “Son, take a guess at how often I get to do whatever I want. If I could do whatever I wanted right now, I’d be taking a nap!” But even as these words came out of my mouth, I heard a sort of internal reprimand saying, “Whose fault is that?” I am not a martyr. Sometimes I say this as a mantra (I shared this last week, too…hmm… recurring theme, anybody?):
This is one major reason why I am writing: because I want to. Because it is something I want to do instead of the myriad of things I have to do. So what if I’m not the best at it or if I never receive millions of dollars or prestigious awards for my writing? That’s not why I am doing it. I am writing because I want to. And when I am doing something that I enjoy and scheduling it as a mandatory part of my day, I realize I don’t feel quite so trapped in the shackles of adulthood anymore.
So instead of threatening to drive to the grocery store and never return (I have totally whispered to my husband, “I may not come back” before), I can escape into a good book, learn something new, or write it out in a journal entry or a blog post or my next book. These all work for me. Knowing that is empowering and helps push me to do things that I enjoy, simply because I enjoy them. Doing this doesn’t make me become a selfish woman who spends her whole day only thinking about herself, but instead helps me to gain focus and mental clarity. By spending that time (for me, it’s typically early early in the morning before my family wakes up) doing something that brings me joy, I can share that joy all day long with my family and friends and those I interact with along the way.
I reached out to my friend Jo who runs a website called www.LetsKeepRunning.com and she said, “I feel so much better and am therefore a better mom when I exercise every day–but I need to run every week too! There’s just something about being outside and my feet pounding the pavement–it’s very cathartic for me, and helps me feel grounded. It’s also someplace I can push myself and accomplish goals outside of parenting.”
So today, my friend, I ask you: what do you do to escape? If you haven’t thought about it before (or for a LONG time), please take a few minutes (right now, go ahead, I’ll wait) to think about it now. I know runners who feel as if they are escaping when they go for a run, is that you? I know artists who escape into their drawings/paintings/sculptures/poetry/music, is that you? There are so many great things you could choose from, just remember that what works for you will not necessarily be the same as anyone else. Don’t choose something because it is trendy or because you like the sound of it. Choose something that resonates with you and then schedule time to do it sometime this week. I would love to hear what you choose and how you feel! Post a picture on Instagram and use the hashtag #alimcjoy or share it on my Facebook page so we can all see!
For me, when I step out of my little office, I close the door behind me and echo the sentiments of Janelle Brown: “I may be shackled to this life, with all of its dizzying highs and lows, and yet I could not possibly live without my captors.”
After I had my second child I felt like I got in a rut and I was not finding joy in most things. I finally decided to do a couple of sewing projects. I’m not very creative and my projects are usually not very good but it gave me something to accomplish and it helped me feel so much better. It opened my eyes and I’ve been in a much better place since. Now when I feel like I need a release from the mundane I find something to create or do that lets me have an escape and I feel so much better.