A few weeks ago I deep cleaned and organized my kitchen as part of A Bowl Full of Lemons’ Home Organization Challenge. One of the biggest parts of that challenge—for me—was in pulling everything out of each cupboard, cleaning out and re-lining the cupboards, then thoughtfully placing the things I actually wanted and used back in the cupboards. I filled the back of our van with things I had been storing in our kitchen that we were no longer needing. Since that time, I smile when I open a drawer and it opens easily because it is no longer jammed full of extra stuff. I feel a little giddy when I see the pretty new paper lining my organized shelves. And I wonder to myself, “Why didn’t I do this years ago?” Of course, this got me to thinking about other aspects of my life because that is just how my brain works:
How many things am I holding on to mentally and emotionally that I should just release? How much happier would I be if I were to free up the space inside my heart that is cluttered with less important things and give more space for the things I want and need?
This is what forgiveness is. I think just like a good cleaning session really helps get our homes in order, a good forgiveness “session” can really help get our hearts—and our minds—in order.
It Takes Effort
Just like a clean, organized kitchen requires intention and effort, forgiveness doesn’t happen on its own. We have to do it on purpose. But I have never in my life heard a person who had genuinely forgiven someone ever say, “I wish I hadn’t forgiven.” Because it is SO freeing!
But It’s Worth It
Cleaning my kitchen took a lot of extra effort for one full week. Each day I committed to pulling out the contents of different cupboards and I cleaned them out and installed the new lining. But each day helped me build momentum as I saw the progress I was making and knew that once I had finished this work, maintaining the order I had established in my cupboards would be far easier. And now, weeks later, I appreciate the extra effort as I can easily access and put away the items in my cleaner, more organized kitchen.
The same is true with forgiveness. Forgiving someone can be very hard work. I recently had an inspiring conversation with my dear friend, Debbi. She shared with me the work she has done and continues to do to forgive the man who killed her son. She mentioned several conscious things she has been doing through the years and admitted that at first they were very hard, but the more she did them, the easier they became. And she continues to do them because she can see—and feel—the difference in herself.
When I began cleaning my kitchen, I had a checklist prepared by Toni over at ABFOL. Her checklists are broken down into four categories:
Prepare
Sort
Clean
Organize
I’ve shared the four steps to forgiveness in an earlier article, so I won’t rehash those details here, but I was so stunned to see how very similar they are to the
Prepare
I measured my cupboards and drawers and cut out the paper in advance. I looked through the cupboards to consider just how many cups we really needed before I ever started taking them out of the cupboard. I cleaned and covered my kitchen table so I had a place to put the things as I took them out.
When we want to clean our hearts and minds and truly forgive, we have to do similar prep-work. This involves some quiet contemplation. You might write or type a lot of thoughts and feelings into some form of a journal. You might need to talk with a professional. You might need to spend some time in prayer or meditation at home or at a sacred place. Some feelings we’ve surpressed for months, years, and maybe even decades.
Sort
When I was ready to remove all of the items from my cupboards, I kept all of the same—or similar—items together. I immediately discarded anything broken or cracked. I laid everything else (from one cupboard at a time) out on the table so I could see it. Then I could decide what I wanted to keep and what I was ready to donate.
Similarly, we have to examine our hearts to consciously decide to forgive. Just like the unnecessary items in my cupboards weren’t ever going to independently jump out of my cupboards and walk themselves to a local charity donation, releasing those grudges and offenses requires effort as well. Some things are no-brainers and we can toss them easily because we recognize how little they matter to us anymore. But others will require some consideration.
Clean
This is the work, right? It’s using the right cleaning products for the job. Whether you just need a rag to dip into a hot sink of sudsy water or a bleach spray for those pesky stains, you put in the work to get the cabinets clean and fresh before you put anything back into them. I tried to plan so that I gave each cupboard a little time to air dry before I came in to add my new shelf liners. I scrubbed the outside of the doors and washed the items I planned to keep so that they were all fresh. It was probably the most tedious part of the job, but it was the part I knew I would be proudest of later.
The same is true when we follow the process to forgive. Once we have sorted our feelings and identified what needs to go, we have some work to do. Yes, the work may be tedious and will require focused effort, but it will be worthwhile.
Organize
Before I returned my items to their cupboards and drawers, I carefully considered how I use the space. Because it had been years since I’d last done such a thorough cleaning, my needs have drastically changed. I don’t need daily access to a food processor to make baby food, but I do need an easy way to access dishes to pack lunches. I moved some things and consolidated others to help make my kitchen work for me and my family in this season of our lives. This meant letting go of some things that just didn’t serve us anymore and putting other things that may have been tougher to access (and subsequently left out and not consistently put away) in their places. It felt good to put my kitchen back together in a way that made more sense.
We can do the same with our hearts. We need to consider our priorities. What our families need from us and how we can make space for the things that really matter. We can let go of that perfectly justifiable offense because it really isn’t serving anyone anymore. It may have been a perfect excuse to put some much-needed distance in an unhealthy relationship. But maybe now that the distance has been established, the offense can be released. Letting go is so liberating!
Not One and Done
I am sure that through time my kitchen will gain new clutter and, as life continues to ebb and flow, some things that are necessary for this season of life may not be so crucial in the years that follow. So I will have to return to this process often to keep my kitchen functioning optimally. The same holds true with our hearts. We will need to return and examine the contents of our hearts again and again, preparing, sorting, cleaning, and organizing to avoid filling it full of things we do not want or need.
I hope this idea helps give you the courage to start today if you haven’t already in your journey toward more joy. Forgive. It is one of the most empowering and joy-building activities you will ever do.
