Lesson #3: Love His Family
I know they’re not your family and they do things differently and his mom keeps making snide comments and his sister avoids talking to you like you have the plague. Love them anyway. You don’t have to be fake and you don’t have to try to cozy up to them and try to pretend like everything is perfect.
The key with in-laws (and my in-laws can attest that I am still a work-in-progress on this) is to apply the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This means if you would buy a Mother’s Day present and birthday present for your mom, buy them for your mother-in-law, too. If you would have your kids color pictures for your dad, have them color pictures for your father-in-law, too. If you would pack up your kids and travel for your brother’s birthday party, do the same for your brother-in-law. You get the picture, right?
Even if your mother-in-law just slighted you in a most obvious way, instead of saying, “I don’t like your mom” to your spouse. Instead you can say, “Man, I wish I understood what she was trying to do.” Even if your husband is saying unkind things about any member of his family, DON’T. Just like divorced parents are counseled to refrain from bashing their former spouses, we can’t bash our in-laws no matter how much you may feel entitled to do so.
Remember: It is never productive to make yourself the victim. Instead, be the victor—the bigger person. Let those slights and offenses melt away like an ice cream cone on a Houston summer day. Yes, situations arise that you will need to address and resolve, but when we forgive (see more about forgiveness here and here) and address a problem without feeling personally attacked, we can come to a better resolution.
If we are applying the Golden Rule, we will make the right call.
