We are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary! In honor of this milestone, I am sharing a few things we’ve learned along the way. We are by no means “perfect,” (if there is such a thing on this planet), but we have come a long way in the past decade and a half. We’ll continue to learn, of course, so maybe you’ll see a future series when we reach 20 years!
The first thing I consciously learned came quickly for me.
Forgive and Forget Don’t Bring It Up Again.
It is probably one of the biggest challenges in marriage. Your husband–your best friend–hurt you or betrayed you or made you mad/sad/upset. He genuinely apologized and you work together to make sure that the offense never happens again. So friends, if he is doing his part and never going down that road again, you must do your job and STOP bringing it up.
I actually started learning this lesson the year before we got married. The summer before my senior year of college, I worked a couple of jobs. One of those jobs was selling men’s shoes at Dillard’s. It was a fun job. If you are familiar with the layout of a department store like Dillard’s, all of the men’s shoes and clothes are all in one section of the store. I learned a lot from my fellow co-workers during the time I spent walking that sales floor.
One very educational experience came from the man who worked full time in the section beside shoes. One day he told me that he and his girlfriend of 5 years broke up. Sympathetically, I asked him what happened. He said something I’ve never forgotten. He said, “I am not a cheater. I’ve never been a cheater. But my girlfriend always accused me of being a cheater. She would always assume I was cheating and would get mad at me and we’d fight. Finally, I decided if I’m going to be accused of it all the time anyway, I guess I might as well cheat. So I did.”
What an eye-opening statement! Now, of course, I do not condone his behavior. Yes, of course cheating is always wrong. But do you see how when we hold our spouse to such a low standard, he will eventually stoop to it? Expect the best of your spouse–to his face and behind his back. If he has done something wrong and has apologized, don’t bring it up again. If you can’t forget, you’re human. It’s inevitable that those feelings and memories of the offense will come to your mind from time to time, but don’t keep rehashing something over and over or neither of you can move past it.
Lesson #1: Nobody on this planet is perfect. I need to forgive my spouse just as I hope he will forgive me. Mercy is reciprocal.
Come back tomorrow for Lesson #2!
Man! How can I print these? I can already tell I may learn a lot from each of these. Thank you.
Thanks, Christina! I hope these bring you joy! I can compile them at the end of the series and email them to you if you want…
I am loving these! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Kristy!