Lesson #14–Be His Intimate
Just a few years ago I thought we were doing our best at this marriage thing. We were not fighting, we were just really busy. And tired. I heard Ramona Zabriskie speak at a Mom Conference and realized I could be doing better. I found her book Wife for Life on Amazon. Then I reached out to one of my best friends and we both read it–sharing our favorite passages and keeping each other accountable along the way. It was a game-changer.
This book helped me to see the conscious effort I should be putting into my marriage that I wasn’t. It didn’t require more work per se, just intention. One of the things Zabriskie emphasizes in her book is a woman’s role as a man’s “Intimate.” Her definition of “an Intimate” can be understood in this Woodrow Wilson (as in former U.S. President) quote:
“Give him one friend who can understand him, who will not leave him, who will always be accessible day and night–one friend, one kindly listener, just one, and the whole universe is changed.”
BFFs
In her wonderful book, Zabriskie points out that “Today’s society has dramatically eroded the number of friends and confidants in a man’s life, and men’s emotional isolation is steadily increasing. A husband naturally longs for his wife to fill that need, preferring her companionship above anyone else’s–and most wives would love nothing more! ” And yet, we over-complicate things. Much of her book puts these mistakes in focus and helps explain how simple it really is to be your man’s best friend.
This insight was exactly what our marriage needed! We have grown closer at a time when he often has situations arise with work and church that require him to maintain discretion. I don’t ever ask to know details about those things. Instead, I let him know I am here to support him and event though I don’t know details, I know when he is upset or frustrated and I can be there for him.
My Most Prized Goal
Ramona Zabriskie says, “In order to experience personal development and freedom as a married woman then, becoming your husband’s Intimate must be your most prized goal, your primary pastime, your preferred creative endeavor…” This has become my preferred creative endeavor and I believe that adjusting my focus has given me the mental clarity to do so much more. Since reading and applying the principles in Wife for Life (striving to be my husband’s Intimate), I have started writing professionally. I am more productive. Best of all, I am happier. Hopefully my husband is, too.
I highly recommend this book to all married women. Her insights and research and experiences are so empowering. They have brought incredible joy to my life and to our marriage. I hope they’ll do the same for you.
We are nearing the end of our 15 Lessons! I hope you have found some sort of takeaway that will bring more joy to your life and to your relationship. If you have missed any of the lessons in the series so far, here they are:
